The Life of an Aspiring Sociopath

At this point you are probably wondering what the hell you have gotten yourself into; you are not the first to ask that question. Well, sit back and enjoy the ride kiddies...welcome to the truly strange, bizarre, sometimes sad, outrageous, unbelievable life of... The Devine Miss K. I may be a little psychotic, but I am damn cute.

Name:
Location: Silverdale, Washington, United States

Likes: My cat Lola (all cats) & animals. (Except snakes-yuk), writing, reading, traveling (I have been to Japan, China, Australia, Hawaii and Hong Kong.) I love Asian Architecture—I have a Kimono on my wall; The Disney Villains (I collect them) – Disneyland ( and world.) Comedy Clubs; laughing; snuggling; people watching; singing; painting; cooking; baking; (I am an awesome baker!)- being with friends. Talking, talking and talking. Teaching, kids, intelligent conversation and people….and dreaming. (Oh don’t forget sleep!) Dislikes: Liver, Fish, Star Trek ( but I LOVVVE Star Wars), commercials repeated again and again, slow drivers, inconsiderate people, bad smells, being cold—being too hot, computers that freeze at the worst times and milk gone bad.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Going upstairs ( 1985)

Well, after spending 3 days downstairs in the "real hospital," I have been moved upstairs to the happy little "Care-psych" center. Isn't that a cute little word for the nut house? I am told it is a stress clinic, but I think that being here will stress me out more! I get to relax here for 4 weeks and have people poke and prod at my head and try and figure out why I like to eat large quanties of aspirin and try and slice my tender wrists.

There is this really weird psychiatrist on duty, his name is Dr. Epp. He is so odd; he speaks liek he has a twinkie in his nose. He wanted me to take some MMPI test that has like 500 questions and I was in no mood to play "fill in the blank," so I ripped it up and threw it at his feet. I told the jackass if he wanted to know something about me, perhaps he should just ask. Enough with the psychological bullshit.
I like my roommate. Her name is Shannon and she is 16. Shannon is from Oak Harbor which is very close to where I live. Oh, did I mention I am the youngest one in here? Yes, yes nothing like a crazy 15 year-old. Most of the people are adults here except for me, Shannon, Rick and this guy I call the "Green River Killer." He is 17 and always wears this green jogging suit. One night he opened my door and I screamed " KILLER! KILLER!" Mind you, this was after I had taken my nightly meds, so I was a little zonked.

It sucks because they have this "smoking lounge," and I am not able to smoke with the others. The counselors asked my parents if I could smoke and they about fell on the floor. NO!!!!!!!! Of course, I should have seen that coming. A few months ago I had a cigarette in my room late at night, and apparently the smell permeated the house. In the morning, my father taped a cigarette to my door and with a cheery little note. The paper had a skull and cross bones drawn on it with the words, " SMOKING KILLS!" Subtle, huh? My father is not the subtle type.

Karen and Todd were supposed to come see me this weekend, but I am on this 7 day black out period. That pissed me off, so I decided to have a little fun. Yesterday when we went on one of our "recreational walks," ( essentially around the block) I found a couple of cute baby frogs. I put them in my pocket and took them back with me. Later in the day, I set them free in the hallway and had a frog jumping contest. OMIGOD! You should have seen the nurses freak out! " Where in the hell did these come from???" I think I gave myself away when I started rolling on the floor laughing. I was sent to my room and told I would be meeting with my counselor later in the day. OOOOh, I am so scared. Assholes. Bonnie, my case manager ( aka- counselor) is really cool. She laughed and told me this was not a place for pets. Sigh.

Well, I am off to dinner. I wonder what fabulous dining adventure I will have tonight. Man, I miss my M&M stash.

1985

Here I lie in this sterile hospital room, playing with the up and down button on my bed. The only pleasure I can derive from this place is the hidden package of M&M's in my drawer. I am looking out my window at the perfectly manicured lawn and feeling oddly safe for the first time in a long while. There is something so peaceful about lying here with the covers pulled up to my chin. I do not have to move, speak or even think; I can just lie here like a blob of human flesh.

Monday, September 19, 2005

I, anonymous

An Anonymous Letter:

You are such a @&*%!

I do not use that word often, but in this case it fits. I have never met a person who is more cold-hearted, self-serving, and unforgiving, as you are, my dear. You sit on your fat ass and pass judgement on others, yet you cannot even fling yourself from the couch to get a job. And why should you when your husband, who is an equal loser, has a decent job. What do you do all day? You hate children, you have no pets--is sleeping a career? If so, you are number one in your field. I cannot believe I felt bad when we stopped being friends.. I just asked if you wanted lunch and you replied with, " I do not want to be your friend anymore." A simple, " I do not feel like eating lunch today," would have sufficied. Weeks later I saw you downtown catching the bus, I was 10 f-ing feet from you and you merely turned up your nose and looked away. Having flashbacks of preschool are we?

It's been many years now and in a moment of weakness I looked you up, only to be punched in the gut by your acidic reply. Well, my only rresponse is this: I will see you in hell, **** and you better bring some sun screen-because it's really f***ing hot!

sigh

Ugh, off to work. The cat is friving me crazy this morning...meow meow meow...WHAT??? What do you want????????

I hate passive- aggressive people.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

goodbye

You are a loser
You know it's true
Unable to forgive
but it don't make me blue

Infact, I am not sorry at all
because I never did anything wrong
...so die in a firey pit of hell bitch
you ain't my friend no more.

Verdi Cries

Seven Years


How did I love you?
there was no measuring
far above this dirty world
far above everything
in your tower over it
you were clean

so warm and insightful
were you in my eyes
I was sure the rightful
guardian of my life
damn you betrayer
how you lied

but for seven years
you were loved
I laid golden orchid crowns
around your feet

for seven years
I bowed down
to touch the ground
so wholly your devotee

you were
all I could see

I've got my sight now
I see everything you hid
so don't you try to right now
all the wrong you did
I might forget you
but never forgive

but for seven years
you were loved
I laid golden orchid crowns
around your feet

for seven years
I bowed down
to touch the ground
so wholly your devotee

for seven years
you were so revered
I made offerings of
anything and everything I had

you were
all I could see


Soooo, studious! Posted by Picasa


Boogie shoes... Posted by Picasa


Savannah ROCKS! Posted by Picasa

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Cat Toys


I went to petsmart today and bought my kitty some lovely things: a defurrballer, some bath tissues, a disco collar and some wheat grass.

I love my kitty.

Friday, September 16, 2005

When September Ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends

Like my father's come to pass
Seven years has gone so fast
Wake me up when September ends

Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are

As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends

Ring out the bells again
Like we did when spring began
Wake me up when September ends

Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are

As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends

Like my father's come to pass
Twenty years has gone so fast
Wake me up when September ends
Wake me up when September ends
Wake me up when September ends

Thursday, September 15, 2005

You fucked up your arm, Joan

Well, here is the final diagnosis on my arm:

I have a "GREATER TUBEROSITY FRACTURE OF THE HUMERUS." Which means that

the uppermost part of the humerus there is a bump called the greater
tuberosity. It acts as an attachment for one of the important rotator
cuff muscles, the supraspinatus, as well as a guide for your bicep
tendon.( the tendons and muslces get pulled and jammed as well) It is
typically injured in a fall on an outstretched arm, a "jam" into the
shoulder joint, or direct impact. ( ie--dislocation by falling in the
shower and impacting your shoulder--ow!)

So, I have to start physical therapy twice a week for 4 weeks and...
Immobilization: Immobilization in a sling for 2 weeks for comfort.


Icing: Ice bags, cold packs or cold therapy units can be used to ice
the shoulder initially. 20 minute sessions, 3 - 5 times a day for the
first 5 days aids in reducing pain and swelling. And as needed
thereafter. ( Once a day)

Motion Exercises: 5 - 10 times a day: -take arm out of sling and flex
and extend elbow fully for 20-30 repetitions. Perform this smoothly and
slowly. ( aka--physical therapy)



Precautions: * Do not try and actively abduct or lift arm out to the
side for 4 - 6 weeks.

* Avoid q uick, jerky movements.

* Do not lean on elbow on the injured side or try and push up to a
sitting position for 4 - 8 weeks.

**After 3-4 weeks ( which it has been) wear the sling when needed
during the day, but take your arm out and move it around to get mobilty
back. Do not overuse the arm and give it TLC, ice abd DRUGS! Wahoo.
Sigh.

In the pursuit of happiness, the difficulty lies in knowing when you
have caught up.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

HALT!

I am sitting here eating ice juice. Yes, I said Ice juice. I took some Sunny Delight and poured it into my ice cube tray and am eating the little cubes. I love ice. I do not know why, I am sure Frued would say it was an oral fixation--but then eveything with freud was a fixation.

I feel a little depressed this evening amd I am not sure if it is because I am tired or what. What is that little phrase they use in rehab? HALT! Never get too hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. or... I dunno I might bite the head off of a hamster.

My job is interesting, although, my boss talks A LOT. Sometimes I start singing little tunes in my head while he is talking, so that I can feign interest. Is that wrong?

I THINK my period finally stopped. The blasted thing has been rolling for a month now. I know I am a big girl, but BeJESUS my uterus cannot be the size of the Tacoma Dome.

Hmm...well, I guess I will go finish my ice and read a book

Yours till Niagra Falls---

Sunday, September 04, 2005


One sexy bitch Posted by Picasa

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Ow!

I am in pain!!!!!!!! I cannot find a sling that fits my arm right. I went to the doc over here in Silverdale and he would not give me pain meds. I wasn't asking for crack for Christ's Sake! I only needed something to help me sleep because I keep rolling over on my fracture!

Peter is here and we are watching scary movies! Right now we are watching the Omen!!!!!!