The Life of an Aspiring Sociopath

At this point you are probably wondering what the hell you have gotten yourself into; you are not the first to ask that question. Well, sit back and enjoy the ride kiddies...welcome to the truly strange, bizarre, sometimes sad, outrageous, unbelievable life of... The Devine Miss K. I may be a little psychotic, but I am damn cute.

Location: Silverdale, Washington, United States

Likes: My cat Lola (all cats) & animals. (Except snakes-yuk), writing, reading, traveling (I have been to Japan, China, Australia, Hawaii and Hong Kong.) I love Asian Architecture—I have a Kimono on my wall; The Disney Villains (I collect them) – Disneyland ( and world.) Comedy Clubs; laughing; snuggling; people watching; singing; painting; cooking; baking; (I am an awesome baker!)- being with friends. Talking, talking and talking. Teaching, kids, intelligent conversation and people….and dreaming. (Oh don’t forget sleep!) Dislikes: Liver, Fish, Star Trek ( but I LOVVVE Star Wars), commercials repeated again and again, slow drivers, inconsiderate people, bad smells, being cold—being too hot, computers that freeze at the worst times and milk gone bad.

Friday, June 30, 2006

Phone whoring

I forgot that I mentioned the phone sex job in my last post. It is only a part-time gig. It is really quite amusing, as men are quite predictable. But for people who want to judge me about it, go ahead. Some people knit, others judge...what the hell?

Ha ha.

Creepy Men

Well, shall I tell you the next weird chapter in my life? why do pyscho men like me?
Okay, so I was at work, by myself, and this man comes in. He is ( I know now) 52, black( I say this only because of the tone he used--so I wanted to clarify what he looked like) and seemingly nice. So, he tells me he has a son that he would maybe think about bringing here, and also tells me he is a special Ed teacher. Well, I am very excited! A teacher! Yea! Well, Maybe not.

So, I am trying to show him around and he randomly throws in things like, " Do you drink coffee? Do you like the water?" I just thought he was being friendly. then he says, " I am trying to hit on you..." okay, blah blah he stays for awhile and then leaves. And yes, I know this is dunb, but he seemed nice, I gave him my number so we could have coffee. Innocent enough?

He calls that night. I pick up the phone and he starts breathing heavily, it sounded like Darth Vader. And he said, " Kassi I know you." I said who the fuck is this? I was busy with something else and it struck me as weird. He told me and we had a chuckle. ( kind of) So, I am trying to talk to him about teaching and he keeps saying things like, " You have kissable lips, you have sexy elbows..." ( um, ok) " I want to date you." I have known him for 1 hour.
Then its gets odd ( er) he asks if I have ever been with a black man. Now, I knew what he was saying but I thouht I would try and diffuse the situation. " Sure my best friend is black and we hang out all the time." He asked what I thought was :well hung" HE IS 52! WTF??? I should have hung up but I am too easily amused, I think my phone sex job is clouding my judgement, THEN HE SAYS IT. " Do you like to be tied up? I want to tie you up." FUCKKKKKKKKKKK.

So, needless to say I ended the conversation and sent him an email stating I did not want further contact. I did not go into work today because I would be alone all day...and that is just creepy!

Only the pyschos want some good Kbob lovin....

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

White Flag--for a friend MIA...

This song represents someone I used to really care about, but his evil skanker-bitch-whore of a girlfriend told him he could no londer see me, talk to me or be my friend. Who is the bigger idiot--her or him anyway...for you my friend:

White Flag

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it well I'd still have felt it,
where's the sense in that
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were but

I will go down with this ship and I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door,
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and destruction to come back again
And I caused but nothing but trouble,
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over" then I'm sure that that makes sense but

I will go down with this ship and I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door,
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet, which I'm sure we will
All that was there, will be there still
I'll let it pass, and hold my tongue
And you will think, that I've moved on....

I will go down with this ship and I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door,
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship and I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door,
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship and I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door,
I'm in love and always will be

Catching up with Kass

Jesus! I forgot I had this thing! Thanks Kaisa, for remining me. So, to catch up in 20 pages or less:
( the abridged version)

* I am writing a book, I am on page 90.
* Had hoo-hoo surgery and can no longer have kids :(
* Am having surgery in two weeks for the torn meniscus in my knee
* I was hit on today by a man who came by my school--no, not with a car.
*I am fat, still, but attempting slowly to find my ass-which hovering somewhere over greenland
* I drive an SUV and not my little truck
* I have some fabulous friends and some assholes who turned on me like bad milk

Okay, that is all I can muster right now...

Stayed tuned..

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Surgery done

Well, I had my surgery. My doctor actually gave me photos of what he did. EW! I said, " Hey why is there a disco ball in there?" Anyway, I am not bleeding anymore ! Woohoo--but I am having severe leg cramps and I am not sure whether it is all related or not. I do know that I am only getting an hours worth of sleep a night. Ugh.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Sigh- again

I feel a little depressed. Perhaps it is the 20 some days of rain--or maybe the hormonal imbalance in my body. Yes, I am still having issues! I had surgery in Nov. and now I am doing that same crap again. If it does not knock it off then I will have to have surgery number 2. So just to be clear here is what surgery number 2 would be like:

Endometrial ablation is a procedure that uses a lighted viewing instrument (hysteroscope) and other instruments to destroy (ablate) the uterine lining, or endometrium. ( Ie: Burn your endrometrial tissue out)

Approximately 90% of women will have reduced menstrual flow following endometrial ablation, but only 40% to 50% will stop having periods. Hysterectomy or repeat ablation is required in approximately 22% of women following endometrial ablation. Younger women are less likely than older women to respond to endometrial ablation. After an endometrial ablation, younger women are more likely to continue to have periods and need a repeat procedure.

Complications of endometrial ablation are uncommon but can be quite severe. They can include:

Although this surgery usually causes sterility by destroying the lining of the uterus, pregnancy may still be possible if a small part of the endometrium is left in place. Birth control of some form is required if you have not completed menopause and do not wish to become pregnant.

I want to go to bed and finish eating that package of cookies and read. Tv does not even remotely amuse me.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

WOW! How did it know?

You Are Likely a Third Born

At your darkest moments, you feel vulnerable.
At work and school, you do best when you're comparing things.
When you love someone, you tend to like to please them.

In friendship, you are loyal to one person.
Your ideal careers are: sales, police officer, newspaper reporter, inventor, poet, and animal trainer.
You will leave your mark on the world with inventions, poetry, and inspiration.

Your Linguistic Profile:

35% General American English

35% Yankee

15% Upper Midwestern

10% Dixie

5% Midwestern

Saturday, November 26, 2005


Ho Ho Ho

Well, here we are again! It’s time for Kassi’s year in review! Yes, I could go through my pitiful little address book and send you each some cheery little yuletide greeting, but I feel this best represents me and my life in the past year. So, sit back, have some eggnog and enjoy a flash back on “Kassi’s year in Review…”

**Caution some material may not be appropriate for children. (Ha)

So let’s begin……

Memorable Moments of 2005:

§ Let us never forget Ed and his ‘Fucking building.’ In fact, perhaps a moment of silence should be observed for Ed and his building. I hope the two of them will be very happy together. ( Sundown M. Ranch Circa de 2005)

§ And God bless the child that hit that softball straight into Scott’s (Head Management) truck as he was driving by. I wish we had instant replay—for the sudden obscenities that were spewed forth from Scott’s mouth were precious. ( Mind you he was the idiot that decided to move the backstop to begin with) What is that about just desserts? ( Sundown)

§ Don’t you hate it when you are taking a shower and drop the soap?( Kind of like a prison porn movie) And you go to pick it up and do a triple toe loop without ice skates and land face down in the shower? A good indication that perhaps you have dislocated your arm is when it is dangling in front of your shoulder and moving causes you to speak in tongues.

§ What could be worse? Having 911-bust into your house through the window, while you are naked as a jay bird on the floor. Oh, they knocked on the door but I could not exactly open it because I could not get off the floor. I had to hurl my porpoise-like body from the tub and slither down the hall—throw a shoe at the phone to get it off the counter, only to find it plugged into the internet. DAMN YOU DIAL UP!

§ What could be worse? Gorgeous EMT’s making a net under your ass out of your blanket and hurling you through the air to get you to your feet. And then casually chatting with you in the ambulance on the way to the hospital as you are trying not to cry. (Okay, I am nude, in pain, wet from the shower and you want to know what I do for fun? I like to kick people repeatedly in the scrotum—now ask me that again)

§ Of course, after they have located the arm (here, its right here!) I have to get home somehow. This is a truly precious memory. Kassi- drugged up, draped in a stunning hospital gown and matching booties, sling, and disposal undies, sits in a wheelchair outside the hospital to wait for a cab to take her home. Nice. Let us not forget the lecherous cab driver who had to help in and out the cab. I’m pretty!

§ Kassi gets a new job and moves to Silverdale. ( with one arm) ( thank you Peter) The guy helping (I use this term loosely) move my stuff is more interested in talking to my boobs than moving my boxes. And Peter is wearing my pink Tiara and scaring the Mormon boys who live next door.

§ I work with some very unique children at my new job and I like them a lot. One of the young boys, who are developmentally delayed, for lack of a better term, is pretty funny. When I tell him it is time to do school work he says, “No, thank you Kassi, I cannot do that because I love you very much.” I should have tried that in my math classes.

§ The psycho neighbor. One evening I return home to find a note on my door from a neighbor across the way telling me that he is attracted to me and would like to get to know me. Okay, that sounds nice. That was my first mistake. After have one phone conversation all hell breaks loose. One evening I had my ringer off because I had a headache and wanted to go to bed early. He called me 6 times in one hour (I have caller ID). Each message got a little creepier. His finally message at 1130pm stated that he was coming over to knock on my door. I, immediately put the kibosh on that one. Occasionally, he still calls and breathes in my phone, but he is dealing with the master here, so his silly games mean nothing to me. Jebus! “Why are you ignoring me?” Um, because you are a psycho and there is not enough room for two psychos in any relationship.

§ Hoo hoo trouble. Well, I had to have surgery as many of you know. I bled for 4 months straight and finally they went in and hovered that sucker out. On the way into surgery I was singing, “On Dancer, Prancer, And Vixen...” as they wheeled me down the hall. I am feeling better but it left me with a lot of gas….

§ Which brings me to this: I went to the Casino the other day with my 20.00. And as I was watching my 20.00 fly the coop, I thought, “God, who smells? Jesus! Someone ought to check their drawers!” And it was me. I stunk! I never stink! Residual hoo- hoo issues. So, now I am paranoid and carry this huge bottle of shower to shower body powder around. And who knows---maybe it wasn’t me? I bathe twice a day…oh, well what do you do.

§ Sarcastic hair dressers. So, I went to get my rat’s nest tamed. And I had this odd little hairstylist. Oh, she was nice but interesting. She of course has to point out that she is sarcastic. Now, if you have to point it out, then you suck at it. Plain and simple. If people do not get it-then you don’t do it. She told me her alcoholic friend has decided to stop drinking and she thought it would be funny to buy her a chess board made of shot glasses and mini-bottles. Um, okay did I miss something? So, if she was a recovering junkie you would fill her stalking with needles and a dime bag? No, honey you are not sarcastic, you are stupid. But you do good hair.

§ Finally, the phrase: Curiosity killed the cat. Well, I think Lola is learning that phrase. My toilet likes to make evil noises and the other day, she jumped up to see what was going on, slipped and fell in. Tidy bowl cat. I tried to be sympathetic…no, wait ---I did not. I just laughed my ass off.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. May all of your wishes and dreams come true in the coming New Year. And just be glad you aren’t me…hahahaha.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Female trouble

Apparently, I have hyperplasia, which is where the endrometrial lining shows pre-cancerous cells. Nice, huh? So, I need to talk to this dude about options. They put me on Provera and it has made me bleed worse, as if that is possible! Today I passed clots as big as my fist, I kid you not. I thought they were freaking human heads! So, I will know more on Monday.

I cannot take time off work because I am the only teacher there, so I am trying to schedule all of this around my time off. (Christmas or Thanksgiving) But it really is not up to me. If I need to go, then I will have to go whenever they can find a slot for me. I am going to talk to the gynecologist about this whole birth control pill thing. The other doc gave me a prescription for a really HIGH dose of them and I am not really comfortable with that.

I hate being a woman sometimes.

A friend ( and I use that term loosely) is really being a snatch right now. I want to freaking
kick her in naughty area. God, what a bitch!